Where Did I Go Wrong?

I’m stuck deciding whether I should stick to a training schedule and diet, or listen to my body. Today, I tried to do both and it was a complete flop.

All day my energy levels have felt depleted. Truth be known, its been an issue all week. For the last two days I thought I was getting sick. Either way, I lounged around the house all day, pushing my cardio workout later and later.

When Andrea got home she helped me get out the door. Even though I felt crappy the run felt GREAT. We ran 5 x 1-mile intervals at marathon race pace. My legs were heavy on the first interval, but the following four intervals felt like butter. The quarter-mile recovery walks were longer than usual. I was trying to accumulate cardio time during the run, so I wouldn’t have a lot to do later.

Run:
5.0 miles
52:21
10:28 pace (actual marathon pace is 10:21)

After the run I was excited to FINALLY feel energized, but it was short lived. Within minutes I was back to feeling like a slug. The only thing I “wanted” to do was sit on the couch. Once the run was done it was 6pm and I was starting to get hungry, which didn’t help matters whatsoever.

It took a lot of gumption, but I finally got on the treadmill and started walking. I needed 45 additional minutes of cardio to complete the scheduled two-hours. At 30-minutes I abruptly stopped the treadmill. I couldn’t take it anymore. I sat there on the couch and had a small pity party for myself.

At this point I decided to lift weights and get the strength training over with. As you can guess, that didn’t go well either. I completed two exercises and once again…. found myself back on the couch. Finally, I got back on the treadmill and finished the last fifteen minutes of cardio. I also convinced myself I was skipping weight training for the day.

My periodization schedule has me doing two hours of cardio and I’m also on my high end of my allowable caloric intake, which is 2400/day. I was out of calories for the day, yet I felt completely depleted. Somehow I persuaded myself it was okay to eat something small, to help me feel better fueled.

The first option was a small portion of left over vegan chili mac (noodles, tomatoes, beans, chili powder). Within seconds I devoured the chili and was rooting around the kitchen for more.

This is the exact point when the day turned ugly.

It’s the holidays, so there are cookies and cakes everywhere around me. On the counter I found a container with ten or so homemade cookies, which I consumed in seconds. I thought that would be the end, but I transformed into some kind of non-human eating machine. The next victim was a bag of sweet potato fries. The sweet potato fries took 25-minutes to cook. I can honestly say I hoped the cook-time would help me feel full and release this demon inside me.

I showered while the fries where in the oven. The moment the timer went off I was in the kitchen ready to demolish another 650 calories. To my surprise I still didn’t feel satisfied. I finished the binge with a peanut-butter and jelly sandwich. I felt better mentally, but it came at a price... guilt.

I’m trying not to dwell on the episode, but rather learn and move forward. The total estimated calories was approximately 2500, which is in addition to the 2400 daily max. It hurts just to type that number. After all my hard work it is disappointing to realize how fast things can change. I don’t consider this a step backwards, but I certainly didn’t gain any ground today.

Better luck tomorrow. I’m officially calling this a binge, which is the first one in a really long time. I take ownership of my actions and I'm not looking to make excuses, but I think I’m pushing my body pretty hard. Over the last few months I have gone to new limits with my running.

Eating extra and adding calories isn’t a big deal, but the foods I chose and the manner in which I ate them was not a normal thought process. That was purely impulsive overeating.

I forgot to mention, this morning’s weight was the lowest I’ve been in 15-years. I really, really, REALLY hope this is not some type of subconscious self-destructive behavior.

Walk:
3.86 miles
1:09:00
17:53 pace

Body Weight:
192.75