Communication

Why is it so hard to listen these days? In my life I've had two really good friends. Correction, they were GREAT friends. I admired their ability to listen without misinterpreting me and interjecting their biased opinion. It is hard to find a friend that is able to listen without judging, a friend that isn't scarred to tell you when you're being an ass. They know when to offer empathy and when to be a cheerleader. Most importantly they know when to say nothing at all.

Lately, it seems like everyone 'hears me', but no one is listening. I'll be the first to say I'm not a great listener, but that is not what everyone comes to me for. I'm the guy who offers results and fixes things. Lots of my friends come to me for advice to their tangible problems. Most of the time I can help with simple issues. Sometimes I can't, but that doesn't change the dynamics of our friendship. I don't always offer the help they're looking for, but I always try to offer another view point.

This post isn't directed at any one person directly. This is merely observations about the people around me during the last year. When I'm heavy in thought, I don't talk much and that seems to drive people crazy. Everyone wants to talk. In this endless loop of talking, no one is listening. I'm a divorced father of two because of communication, or lack thereof. I was happy-go-lucky-in-love and never had a clue that my wife was not happy. One day she finally opened up to me, but unfortunately she had already "checked-out" of the marriage.

What is done is done, but I wonder if silence is also a form of communication. As I said above, there are people around me that are completely disturbed by periodic periods of silence. I do not want to find myself jeopardizing the relationships I have because I don't talk endlessly, ie communicate. This leaves me pondering, is silence as a form of communication?

I'm struggling to define the roles of communication with each and every friend. I'm learning that everyone is different and each person must be dealt with differently. I feel like I do a fair amount of listening, but no one returns the gesture. That bothers me. People ask my thoughts and ideals all the time, but I'm not sure why. It doesn't seem like they want my opinion at all. I get the sense they are fishing for the answer they want and they'll keep asking people until they get the response they're after.

The two friends I utilized as my sounding board have started their own families and as a result, our friendships are drifting apart. It would seem they have other people to listen to and I completely understand. Now I'm taking a closer look at those people on the fringes of my life. I'm trying to separate myself from fair-weather friends and build a solid base with those relationships where both people share the roles of communication.

None of us are perfect communicators. For example; I don't spend as much time as I should listening to my kids. It is a relationship where they are expected to listen while I bark out, "Do this" and "Don't do that". That is why I wonder if my new role should be, "the listener". I'd like to think at the age of 35 there would be people around me who would share the roles of communication. I suppose that is why I blog. This blog is my voice without someone always trying to judge, show pity, give advice, or encourage me when I'm clearly not asking for it. Sometimes I just want to tell a story. Other times I want an interactive dialog. Perhaps I don't express these thoughts and expectations properly. Don't take any of this the wrong way, I enjoy and welcome comments on my blog. Blogging lets me say what's on my mind without interruption. And most of the time... that is all I'm looking for.

I could go on-and-on, but I'll stop. I seem to be rambling.

Too cold outside to ride my bike, so I went for a walk. Legs feel a lot better today:

Walk:
5.19 miles
1:27:43
16:40 pace

Also went through an upper body and mid body workout. This catches me up from the weekend in Austin.